u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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