Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
