Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
