I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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