You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize