have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
