also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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