Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he fucked my hip out of place.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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