i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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