why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
