so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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