ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
