Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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