the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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