My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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