Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What a dumb baby whore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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