It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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