making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
