you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
