I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
