don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
