I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
