Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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