Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
