doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
