i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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