GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
