but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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