She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
