so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What drink are we having for lunch?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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