Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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