Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
