I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
