I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
