ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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