i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
