It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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