fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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