I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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