There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
