I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I want is dick and wine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
