need another drink. this is the easiest way
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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