Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize