Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
