the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
