why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
