he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
