Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
