did you get engaged???
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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