To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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