Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
