a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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