You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
