Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
