I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
