he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
