Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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