there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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